The Distric of Columbia -- Washington D.C.
No female wearing a nightgown can be taken for a flight on a private plane. - Headland, AL**
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.*
In California, animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.*
In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated*
Prostitutes in San Francisco are not obliged to make change for bills larger than $50.
In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
The Distric of Columbia -- Washington D.C.
The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.
In Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.*
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you... or holding you in his arms.
In Ottumwa, Iowa, "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unacquainted."*
In Kentucky, "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."*
An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."*
It is illegal in Kentucky to marry the same man more than 3 times.
In Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.*
In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.
The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.
In Nevada sex without a condom is considered illegal.
Lingerie can't be hung on a clothesline at the airport unless the undies are carefully hidden from prying eyes by a "suitable screen". - Kidderville, NH**
Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.
In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.
Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio- a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. *
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.
In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!
In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is his name revealed.
Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is not considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.
In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a corset inspector.)
In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night).
In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer!
*These excerpts are from the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton (Walker; $8.95)
**Excerpts from private pilot, November 1987
©2000-2001 James Fuqua
Law Jokes Page
Last Updated 24 August 2003