Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand [cement]?
A: Not enough sand [cement].
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: Throw him a rock.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A. From chasing parked ambulances.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetery
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q. What happens when you cross a Mafia don with a lawyer?
A. You have someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.
Q. Why do lawyers display a copy of their bar association cards on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones; it's proof of a moral disability.
Q. What do you call 100 lawyers skydiving out of an airplane?
Q. What do you call 1,000 lawyers, chained together at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. Why do they always bury lawyers 12 feet deep?
A. Because down deep, lawyers are OK.
Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste, and California all the Lawyers?
A: New Jersey got first choice!!!!
Q: Why don't snakes bite attorneys?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: How can you tell if your lawyer is worthless?
A: Ask him if he's a member of the bar.
Q: What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?
A: Japanese language lessons for lawyers.
Q: What is a criminal lawyer?
Q: What are lawyers good for?
A: They make used car salesmen look good.
Q: What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested?
A: An accomplice.
Q: What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested?
A: A lawyer.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched during a campaign, they can rarely be recalled. And when they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1: Back over him to make sure.
A2: Make another notch on the steering wheel.
Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A. The lawyer charges more.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Q: How many lawyer jokes are going around the Web?
A: Three! (All the rest are true!)
Q: What do call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Your Honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
Q: Why are there more flies in Cairo than lawyers in Washington?
A: Cairo got first choice.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Lawyer with a Librarian?
A: All the information you need, but... you can't understand a word of it!
©2000-2001 James Fuqua
Law Jokes Page
Last Updated 22 October 1999