James Fuqua's Law Jokes

Declaration of Independence

August 10, 1776

Mr. Thomas Jefferson c/o The Continental Congress Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Dear Mr. Jefferson:

We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration.

Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown; so we must return the document to you for further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:

In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of Nature and Nature's God."

In the same paragraph you refer to the "Opinions of Mankind." You hold certain truths to be "self-evident." Could you please elaborate? If they are as evident as you claim, then it should not be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics.

"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" seem to be the goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say that among these are:

Please clarify.

You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government...."

Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement.

Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States," and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown."

We have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are your strategies? You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this since Queen Anne's War. Please submit all necessary diagrams, an activity chart, proposed time line (w/at least 3 options), itemized budget, and manpower utilization matrix.

We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your "Declaration of Independence" in accordance with all TQM procedures.

We welcome the submission of your revised proposal. Our due date for this unsolicited proposal is September 30, 1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required.


Sir Thomas Moore
Total Quality Management
Analyst to the British Crown

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